My fellow unmarried women, it’s not that I have a vendetta against you; I just want to address some of the things you do, which I think are supremely silly. Yes, I’m ranting about the unmarried women today. This post is targeted at, but not limited to desperate unmarried women.
I know that marriage has always been an important thing for many women, but the race for it today is becoming so bad, it’s almost diabolic. Yes, many women are doing all sorts of infernal things to get stay married. Young woman that wants to get married, pause a bit and ask yourself this important question: Why do I want to get married?
I ask you to do this because your reason for getting married may very well determine the kind of man you hook up with. If you want to be happy in your union, you’ll carefully and prayerfully choose a spouse. But if you want to be married because all your friends are, or because your family thinks so or because society says your clock is ticking, you may very well end up making the wrong choice. Such as a man that abuses you, be it physically, verbally, emotionally or psychologically.
No matter what you say, there are always signs of an abuser, whether he’s a budding or full-blown practitioner of the punching, verbal or emotional slicing arts.When a man makes you stay on a video chat for 24 hours, just so that he can see where you are at all times, he’s an abuser. Please don’t tell me that “he’s just a bit jealous” or “you know men are like that”….that’s not “a bit” of jealousy and not all men are like that! When a man makes you take pictures of yourself and send it to him 24 hours a day, so he knows where and who you’re with, my sister you’re in bondage…..only that your master hasn’t paid your purchase price.
Any man that makes you do this, under the guise that his heart has been broken by the previous women in his life and therefore, you need to earn his trust, is a confirmed wizard. He needs Jesus and you need a copy of the Slavery Abolition Act of 1833. When a man flings objects at you during an argument, throws and breaks his phone against the wall and says “Look what you made me do,” he will one day throw you and blame you for it. You’d better run away and from that far distance, text him the number of a psychiatrist and enrol him for an anger management course.
When a man tells you that once you get married, because his mother did it, you too will pound yam for him while you’re nine months pregnant, wash his car, feed your three children and drop them off at school, clean the house, do the family laundry, go shopping etc. without help of any sort, I’ll only say this: are you familiar with the letters R.U.N?
When you’re in a relationship with a man who arbitrarily picks up your phone, deletes some male contacts, text messages, grills you whenever you pick a call from a man, logs into your Facebook account and abuses and warns off all the men who say nice things to you, tells you which friends to keep and the ones to dismiss, and short of getting you a bodyguard, monitors your movements in every way possible, I’d like to inform you that that man is not man who loves you, but a monitoring, familiar spirit. The earlier you’re delivered from him, the better for you.
Having said that, I’d like to add that some of this kind of men can smell desperation and know that there’s little or nothing you can or would want to do to them.
So my advice to you dear prospective bride, is build your self-esteem, be proud of who you are, be picky (yes, contrary to popular opinion, you don’t have to drag the bottom of the barrel), and know that you deserve a good man. Take your time; because once you make your choice, you’re stuck with him. Don’t be in haste- for where the hare gets to by running, the tortoise will arrive there by walking.
By Abioye Olayemi